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FLOOR HOCKEY CHICAGO
Meet Team Chicago
Still working on the roster. If you are on the team and I don't have your bio pic. please send soon.
Frank Klein #9 Captain
It has been five years since Frank stabbed Kirk in the back and took over as GM of Team Chicago. Nobody likes him, he's terrible at hockey, he steals money from his players, he designs terrible logos, and his Newsletter sucks ass. Despite all of these deficiencies, he is the most successful GM in team history, and his job is secure because everybody knows how much worse Freddie would be if he got the job. It takes a real 'special' individual to lead a team as unique as Team Chicago.
Fred Coletta #33
Fred is the catalyst that makes Team Chicago go. That's what he keeps telling me anyways, but I'm not really sure what it means. I don't have a dictionary, but if Freddie is right, then catalyst must mean: noun- 1. insecure, emotionally detached male with a 'momma' fetish and chronic erectile disfunction. 2. one way hockey player with no offensive skiils who refuses to hustle or play defense, and blames his teammates for his many deficiencies.
Chris "Chelios" Landowski #7
Chris is the heart and soul, the catalyst, and the engine that makes Team Chicago run. He plays a high speed, high skilled physical game that has taken a toll on his body. After close to twenty years of ferocious play it is amazing that he can still dominate a game the way he does. Long content to quietly play his game, he has taken it upon himself to take more of a leadership role in recent years. Whether it's helping to nuture young players or by helping to manage some of the fragile egos on the team, Chris does whatever it takes to win.
Chris Frederick #23
Chris was part of the great rookie class that helped bring the team success in Tampa. This two sport star has been focusing more of his time on hockey. He still loves his basketball, but basketball doesn't always love him back. After 4 knee surguries, a hip replacement, a shoulder reconstruction, an amputated arm and carpal tunnel, Chris decided to hang up the air Jordan's for good. Now he spends his time trying to inflict pain on would be goal scorers.
Shane Uhle #90
GM Frank has had to work around the clock to attempt to meet the demands of this young star. The previous GM didn't see Shane's potential and almost lost the chance to acquire this talent. Frank kept tabs on Shane as he went off to follow his baseball dreams, and almost lost him when Ron said that Shane's rights belonged to him. Frank looked over the contract and realized that Ron was full of shit. Then the league changed and Steve Grey grabbed the conditional rights to Shane and is holding on tight. Throug all of this, Frank has managed to keep Shane focused on his game, and part of this great team.
Eric Geraghty #40
Eric is a firebrand who has dedicated his life to the sport of floor hockey. He's the captains of the Foxhounds, the leader of the Hockey Monsters, and he has plans to kill Frank and take over Team Chicao and the Raiders. He is an excellent communicator who's efficient use of emails is legendary. Eric sent me an email last week regarding an upcoming hockey game. I can't wait until Friday night when I have a few hours to curl up in front of a fire to finish reading it.
Chris Bauer #8
Chris has taken full advantage of the Team Chicago development program to better himself as a player and as a person. The team is finally starting to be rewarded for the years of patience and persistence. The team is now changing gears with this young man as they put him through chef school. Management has a long term vision of trying to develop a state of the art nutritional program for its atheletes, and Chris is expected to be at the forefront of this plan. This two pronged approach to help the team is part of the new "slice and dice" program offered by the team.
Bob Bauer #99
Team Chicago is a multi-generational team which is able to draw on the talents and skills of many players. Some people think that Frank over values this player and should retire him from tournament play. But what those naysayers don't know is that Bobby carries a gun, and Frank doesn't want to find out what would happen if he gets kicked off the team. Plus every team needs a hero.... Living in America!
Dan Bruner #79
Dan is not your typical Team Chicago player. Dan is very intelligent, highly educated, employed, good looking, he runs fast, and has a wicked snap shot. Most Chicago-ites possess only one or two of those traits, so team management pushed really hard to get this multi talented star on the team.
Jim 'Moose' Hendrickson #77
This long time hockey player really stepped up his game in Tampa. I don't know if it was all the high colonics or the warm tropical air, but whetever it was, Team Chicago could not have won the championship without his play. Hopefully he can bring the same level of intensity to Vegas.
Nate Mercado #91
Nobody can bring on hot goalie on goalie action like Nate! The team is counting on this highly skilled athlete to help push the team over the top. He scored one goal in his first Vegas tournament of 2014. Normally the team would be disappointed with such a low goal total, but he was playing with Freddie, so getting the one goal was actually a pretty amazing feat.
Bill Galanis #94
Bill is part of the Canadian movement that was the brainchild of captain Frank. Frank assumed that all Canadians were good at hockey, and he was really proud of himself when he added Bill to the squad. The team has learned a valuable lesson about prejudice and racial bias, because as it turns out, not everybody from Canada is good at hockey. Frank also assumed that people from Canada are self absorbed, insecure assholes who think that everybody from America is a hateful war-monger. Well, some stereotypes are actually true.
Lucky Thalas #67
Lucky, who is a native Canadian was recruited to play for Team Chicago early in the 2014 tournament season. GM Frank has been looking to build hard nosed teams that pass the puck and play great team hockey like they do up north. He jumped at the chance to grab this players and signed him to a 2 year entry deal. Unforturnately for the team, after nine years in Chicago, there is little of that inate hockey sense left in him. He's a typical Chicago lunchbucket player now who is willing to play the physical grinder role. There is talk of sending him back to Toronto to work on his game.
Terry McMahon #65
The scouts have been watching the Terry's development for quite some time now, and finally felt like it was time to sign him to an offer sheet. The scouts have always been high on his athleticism, and have been quite impressed with how his hockey sense and ball skills have grown while playing for the Foxhounds. But the thing that pushed him over the edges was that magnificent beard. (by cracky) Team management was so gaga over that beard (by cracky) that they upped their offer and got him to commit to play in the Vegas tournament. We look forward to seeing this promising young player performs in his first tournament.
John Vitale #64
John brought the team some good fortune and some cold cuts to the Tampa Bay Shootout. John follows a long line of colorful characters who have worn Team Chicago colors. He is a great guy, and fun to have around. but if I'm being honest, he scares the shit out of me. He's lived an exciting life, and I'm sure there are a lot of skeletons in his closet. And I don't mean that metaphorically, I mean he has actual human skeletons in his closet. I'm looking forward to having John on the team in Vegas, but do me a favor, and make sure you have a buddy if you are hanging out with John.
Chuck Cerniglia #62
Chuck first played with Team Chicago in 2014, and was a member of the championship team in Tampa. It has taken some time for this former soccer star to transition into the game of hockey. He provides the team with depth, and is willing to take on whatever role the team needs. I've enjoyed getting to know Chuck over the last year, and I am glad he is on the team. (Every now and then I have to say something nice about somebody so guys think that there is some shred of humanity in my cold, black heart. Get me a drink in Vegas and I'll tell you what I really think about Chuck)
Gary Schwendinger #69
Gary is a long time player, but is making his first appearance with Team Chicago. Most people don't know this, but Gary is a plumber... or is he an elctrician? Maybe he pours concrete. I don't know, I don't actually pay attention to him when he talks. All I know is he better not start with any of his commy union talk. Players on Team Chicago have no rights, and they never will. I keep a couple of goons on the payroll just in case people get any funny ideas. Other than that, Gary is a great guy to have on the team. He is famous for his positive words of encouragement that he shares with his teammates.
Mark Dante #57
I don't know a lot about biology, but somehow if you take a no-talent hack of a hockey player and pair him up with a small harem, he can produce some great young hockey players. Not only is Derreck one of the stars of the team, but GM Frank is drooling over the prospects of Troy joining the team so TC can have a real goalie for a change. I do appreciate all the support Mark gives to me and the team. I like to use Mark's vast knowledge and experience in the game. I go to Mark with roster advice, but after he told me he was the number 1 Defensemen on the team, I started having second thoughts.
Justin Garlinsky #36
A few years ago GM Frank expanded his scouting system, and last year that program began to bear fruit when Justin and Andre were found toiling in a recreational hockey league where the guys used broom handles for sticks, and stones for pucks. The scouts recognized the potential and young Justin and signed him to an entry level contract and loaned him out to the Raiders for development. It is amazing how good players can become when given the proper support.
Andre Jungermann #12
Hey Andre! 1987 called and they want their tail back. This young prospect from South Bend has all the raw tools to become a terrific ball hockey player. He just needs a good coach to work with him and teach him the finer points of the game. He already knows how to sacrifice his body and throw himself in front of any oncoming shot. Now he just needs to learn positioning, stickhandling, passing, shooting, the rules of the game, the directions to the rink, how to put on pants, and how to hold a stick. GM Frank has taken a liking to this young talent and has a lot invested in him. Hopefully Andre develops, as the critics are always looking for reasons to attack the GM's player decisions.
Billy Jacques #30
What would we do without Billy?
Chris Sheets #51
Oh Sheets! You are such as asshole. I guess I shouldn't be so hard on Chris, I mean he grew up in the armpit of North America. Well things should be getting better in Edmonton with their 4th #1 pick in 6 years. NOW they will get the franchise player they need to turn the franchise around AND the great Darnell Nurse will be joining the team THEREFORE Chris will get to root for a playoff contender THEN he will feel better about life and be a more relaxed, nicer human being. Actually, truth be told, I am a big fan of Chris' game. I've always been a fan of marginally talented hot-heads who are likely to cheap shot an opponent for no good reason. Just like looking in a mirror.
Tommy Broten #33
What makes Tommy such a great player? I haven't figured it out yet, but he's more than happy to rattle off a bunch of meaningless stats to make his case. Tommy will alway let you know his +/-, or about the GWG he got when the ball bounced in the goal off his ass in a meaningless 17-6 Sunday morning game. Every now and then Tommy will actually run, and we see the mediocre talent in its full glory. I love the guy, but how on earth was he the 1st overall pick in the draft league?? Are you shitting me? I think Steve Gray wanted to make sure he still had the worst team in the league.
Matt #25 and Marty #14 Carlson
Once again GM Frank has proven what a brilliant talent scout he is. Frank found these two players toiling in the Oak Lawn league and saw the potential to someday star for Team Chicago. Actually, Frank wasn't sure about these brothers until he learned that Marty earned a yearlong suspension for breaking a stick over a guy's head! These two iron men played in two divisions for their very first tournament in Pittsburgh and proved that they could take a hit. These two guys definitely have the edge that Frank is looking for in a player. Hopefully we haven't seen the last of the Hansons..I mean Carlson brothers.
Joe Lodewyck #26
JOE JOE JOE JOE JOE JOE!!!
Joe has a great slap shot and, and, um uh.. Did I mention the great slap shot? I always feel better playing on Wednesday nights because if I get injured and need some emergency medical attention, Joe is already scrubbed in and ready to go. It's hard to maintain a heated rivalry with the Foxhounds, when they have good guys like Joe on the team. He is one of the good guys in the sport, a true gentleman. Of course, maybe he really is a jerk, but when you play alongside Sheets it makes you look a lot better.
First rule of Fight Club; Never talk about Fight Club! Boston Brian was so excited to prove himself as the best goalie in Team Chicago history, but unfortunately the stress may have gotten the better of him. After giving up 2 soft goals in an elimination game, and faced with the possibility of giving up even more, he had to come up with a way to get himself out of the game. Brian adds his name to a long and distinguished list of goofball goalies that have played for TC. I don't know if he realized it, but we played several minutes with an empty net, and then finished up with a tired, yet freshly showered Coletta and shut the opponent out for the rest of the game. Great job, Brian! Can't wait to have you on the team again.
Joe has always been there to help the team. His steady, solid play over the years has earned him a reputation as one of the premier goalies to play for TC. Joey is something of an outlier; he is the only goalie AND the only Coletta that isn't a complete ass-bag. It's like a weird science experiment. I hate goalies, and I hate Colettas, but when you put them together, you get a great guy and a strong member of the team!
Jordan Ashley is the leader of The Bad Intentions Hockey Club, and one of the newer members of Team Chicago. He has great size and speed and a wicked shot, and is one of the only members of his team that doesn't start a fight every time he is on the floor. He was doing really well in Pittsburgh until he started playing for the coed squad. He was so smitten with all the lovely ladies that he couldn't focus on hockey, but his hair was perfect.
Lou Mangini #5
Lou is really good at pumping gas. I'm not going to spend a lot of time writing anything about Lou, because unless this is written on the back of a horse racing form, he isn't going to read it. Actually, Lou has stepped up and taken the lead on some pretty good teams, and led the Chefs to a Monday night league championship. His leadership skills have been noticed and he is contemplating entering the Team Chicago captain's development program. The only drawback is that he would have to swear an oath promising to never bet on his own team. Decisions, decisions.
Keith Kreitzer #21
Keith's return to Team Chicago is emblematic of all the positive changes that have taken place on the team over the years. This polarizing member of the Toros has been getting under the skin of Raider players for a long time. But TC is a team where all that stuff gets set aside, and players come together for betterment of the team. GM Frank has been trying to get this offensive weapon on the team for years, but was finally able to meet his demands, which included playing with 2 Bruners! After spending some time with Keith in Pittsburgh I discovered that he isn't a complete ass-hole. Welcome Back, and go Killer Bees!
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