FLOOR HOCKEY CHICAGO

 

VEGAS

It took us long enough, but in our 7th try, we finally won the Sin City Shootout.  GM Frank took a different approach this year.  He finally kicked himself to the third line and found some good young hockey players to carry the load.  It was bittersweet for the GM, who felt like something was missing.  "After all these years, it felt great to win, but it didn't seem right without Captain Kirk, who first brought us to this event in 2007.  Wait a minute" Frank said. "6 years with Kirk and no championships, 1 year without Kirk and we win??!!  He's off the team for good.  I never really liked him anyways."  

Yes, Frank is famous for his loyalty; just wait until he realizes that Ronnie wasn't there this year!

The most exciting part about the trip was that for the first time ever, TC played in the coed division.  Truth be told, most of the guys were skeptical at first, but by the end of the weekend the ladies won the hearts of all the guys, who are now begging to be part of the team.

It was no small task finding the "right" girls who could fit into the unique Team Chicago culture, so GM Frank brought on a special assistant who was up for the task.  Erica "Boom Boom" Bankowski may be from Pittsburgh, but she bleeds Chicago baby blue and red.

 

We found a copy of the memo GM Frank sent to Erica during the team recruitment:

 

Erica,

Thanks for agreeing to help put together a coed team for Vegas, I think it will be really exciting.  Listen, before you start recruiting the girls for the team, I want to make sure you understand what Team Chicago is all about, and the types of qualities we are looking for.  Here are some things we look for in a team:

1.  We have had a lot of success since we started adding Canadians to our team.  See if you can find some Canadians; preferrably ones who have absolutely no hockey skill.

2.  Teams play better if you have a beautiful looking player on the team.  I have always covered that for the men, but see if you can find us some eye candy; check out California.

3.  Every team needs a star player.  I heard about a phenom from our capital with a funny nickname.  Please look into her medical history.

4.  Can you find a very tiny, very fast player.

5.  We like to party; see if you can find girls who like to drink hard, or who will bring along a hard-drinking friend.

6.  See if you can find an attractive, yet freaky woman around my age who will tease me and my teammates all weekend.  Preferably somebody who can "dish it out, but can't take a joke."  Kind of a female version of me.

7.  Don't worry about a goalie; I already have one who can keep the goals against average under 5.

 

Thanks, and good luck

Frank

 

It wasn't an easy task, but Erica somehow managed to meet all expecations.  It's a tricky formula, but it works and the team made it into the championship game.  We actually would have won if Erica herself was on her game, but she was slowed down by pneumonia.  Frank is still trying to confirm that diagnosis with the medical staff, as there are rumors that she got on a hot streak at the casino and was drinking for 36 straight hours prior to the first game.  Having played with Billy for so long, Frank is used to his players blaming some mysterious illness for poor play.  Not sure if Billy ever claimed pneumonia, but here is a list of the medical excuses he has come up with over the years:   Clamidia, hypertension, shingles, AIDS, alzheimers, ovarian cancer, flu, bird flu, swine flu, spanish influenza, herpes, heat rash, ingrown toenails, sunburn, fatigue, and strep throat.